I said “I do” to my soulmate. September 18, 1999 was one of the happiest days of my life. It was a day I never imagined would take place. Trust me, I fantasized countless times about meeting “The One” and walking down the aisle while family and friends looked on with smiles plastered on their faces, but it was just a fantasy. I actually believed that I had a better chance of winning the lottery than finding “The One.”
My marriage fourteen years ago was not my first. At the tender age of nineteen, I wed a man I had meant in college. To sum it up in four words—“It was a mistake.” Let me be truthful, at the time I felt it was, but after serious soul-searching and growth, I don’t believe any of the choices I’ve made in my life have been mistakes. Everything happens for a reason and I believe emotional and spiritual growth is at the top of the list. If at nineteen, I was the woman I am today, I’d probably still be married to my first husband. However, I was confused, carrying a lot of childhood trauma, and definitely not wife material. It took two decades for God to shape me into the woman a spiritually and emotionally mature man would want to take home to mama.
Oftentimes we lament about not being able to find a good man or a good woman. I challenge those who rant about there being a dearth of decent suitors to take a look at themselves. It is said we attract who we are. It was when I developed into a good woman that I was able to attract a good man! Good…not perfect!
I met my husband on May 24, 1998 at Coco’s in Pasadena. A girlfriend and I were scheduled to attend a play at the Pasadena Playhouse. It was called “The Old Settler.” I didn’t know it at the time, but I later found out that an old settler is a woman past her forties with no prospects for marriage! How ironic. It gets better. The lead male character’s name in the play was HUSBAND! Christopher Duncan played the part. Okay, God truly has a sense of humor. If you don’t believe me, click on the inks below.
http://variety.com/1998/legit/reviews/the-old-settler-2-1117477529/
Anyway, my BFF at the time and I decided to get something to eat before the play started. That’s how I ended up at Coco’s. While waiting for my girlfriend to return from the powder room, I sat at a booth near the entrance. At one point, I thought about moving to another booth, because every time a patron entered, a cold breeze would sweep over me. Little did I know what the wind was about to send in. As soon as I laid eyes on my husband, my mouth fell open and my eyes tried to leave my head. Where did this hunk of a man come from? How could someone this fine be walking the earth and I not know him? Six-feet three of rippling muscles, a gorgeous face, and a smile that would make a nun think twice. Okay…let me cool down.
The Adonis walked toward the counter, and I couldn’t take my wide eyes off of him. My girlfriend returned and took one look at my face and then turned toward my future husband. She burst into girlish giggles. I asked her to go to the counter and sneak a peek at his ring finger. I know a lot of married men don’t wear rings, but I figured if his finger was bare, I had a fighting chance. She glided over to the counter, gave his hand a gander, and me a thumbs up. More giggling. We laughed so hard he turned around and in a soothing baritone voice said, “Is everything okay?” I couldn’t speak or eat upon hearing his voice. I just nodded. Then my BFF blurted out, “My girlfriend thinks you’re fine!” “No she didn’t!” At that moment, I wanted to slither into the crack on the floor, but his response made me want to hang from the ceiling. “I think she’s cute, too.” What!!!!!
Before I could blink, he approached our table and introduced himself. I gave him my name through smiles and then we exchanged phone numbers. While I watched him write down his number I was shaking my head, because I knew nothing would come of our chance meeting. He was just too good-looking and that meant he was involved or had a slew of women running after him. Little did I know that my husband was as beautiful inside as he was outside and that he had reached a point in his life where he was looking for quality, not quantity. That first meeting led to many more. During our courtship, we spent a lot of time talking. In fact, prior to meeting him, I had taken a break from watching television and he didn’t own a television. I believe having that quality time together is what has made our relationship last.
The last fourteen years hasn’t been without hiccups, but it’s been quite magnificent. I love my husband more today than I did fourteen years ago and more importantly he lets me know verbally and with action how much he loves me! I spent a lot of years crying about no one wanting to love me or marry me. I remember telling God, “With all this heartache I’m experiencing, God, You must have someone incredible for me.” I was right!!!!